comeoutwrong | Room 323 [Thursday, Early Evening]

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Room 323 [Thursday, Early Evening]

Relaxing as days without classes could be, they did have a tendency to give far too much time to think, and over-think about just about everything that had gone on in the last week or so. There was a good lot of stuff that fell into that frustratingly complex category, and Effy had spent her day avoiding that, by being out and about and doing things, cold as it was.

It was only on the way back she'd noticed the overabundance of candy canes, grabbed a couple from the cafeteria and was sucking on one as she pottered around her room and returned a couple of calls from Panda and Tony.

It kept her oral fixation satisfied and was probably better for her lungs. Win win.

[[Open door/post!]]

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Effy could be direct. Just... wasn't about anything that came near the vicinity of what they'd been edging towards for a while now.

"Don't think there's a 'maybe' about it," she said finally. He'd almost told her as much. And, well, here they were.

"No, there's no maybe about it," he agreed easily. Hard to lie about something he'd been mostly upfront about. "I do think that way."

And it was kind of scary to realize that. He could count the people he cared about on one hand and had gotten used to it not always be reciprocated.

Effy actually opened her mouth, and almost started to say something, before she hesitated.

Scary was right. Although, in her case, it was less the realisation, and more the admission that caught her. The protection of keeping her hand safely hidden (so to speak) had become a little too comfortable.

"I--" Something. He liked honesty, and she was probably supposed to admit something there. Instead, she ended up shaking her head. Less at him, and more at herself and picking her fucking moments to freeze up. Ridiculous, really, considering she did trust him in her way. Shouldn't be that hard.

Then again, there was saying, and there was doing, and one of them Effy was a lot more comfortable with than the other. Brushing his lip briefly with her thumb and ducking down to kiss him was illustrative, if not wordy.

Really, Alex hadn't expected any kind of return admission or statement of honesty because he did know her. Much as he did like when people were honest with him, he'd learned, with her, to let it roll off his back and to wait.

He'd almost started to say something when she started to shake her head, tell her it was---what? All right? Take back his admission? Laugh it off and cover it up to make her comfortable? He didn't know and he didn't the chance to think it through because the next thing he knew, she was kissing him. He leaned up in response, not really sure what he was trying to do with that kiss besides let her lead it and do what she wanted.

It felt a little like a minefield, these conversations, and Alex was starting to worry about stepping in something bad and just blowing it up despite the fact that he was getting kissed.

Any conversation between them seemed to have that potential lingering in the background. When it came to this sort of conversation, Effy naturally tended to veer back to her comfort zone.

A moment or two lingering in that and she was pulling up a little. "You're something to me too." A quick quiet sentence in his ear before she could persuade herself it was a bad idea. "No maybe," she repeated.

Sometimes... just sometimes, she could surprise like that. Even if saying it stupidly scared the hell out of her.

And it did surprise him. For all his challenging talk of not being able to surprise him earlier, she'd managed to do it right there probably without a thought about that in her head.

Deciding that saying anything right at the moment would either freak her out, freak him out or just ruin whatever was going on, Alex turned his face towards hers instead, hand going up to brush her cheek and down her jaw.

It was an attempt to soothe and just his own quiet reaction to that rolled up in one gesture.

This was where Effy's 'doing over saying' mentality actually came into its own. Yes, it was easier misread, but it had benefits too.

Just because she wasn't meeting his eyes quite yet, didn't mean she couldn't move that little bit and press another brief kiss to the edge of his mouth.

Alex slid his hand around to curl against the back of her neck, still light and loose so she could do what she wanted. He wasn't too concerned about her not looking at him considering there'd been instances when he'd done the same and he could wait.

Still wasn't saying anything though, taking a cue from her and just letting his hands do the work. One thumb moving against the back of her neck and the other tracing circles on her arm.

Really, it was nothing he hadn't already said to her in one way or another. Still had that scrap of paper pinned under the IOU, even.

But, that didn't really lessen her hesitation in glancing up and looking at him. Had to be done eventually, and once she had, she was stubbornly not about to look away again.

If she concentrated more on the circling of his hands, it did come a lot easier.

And when she did look at him, he let a small smile pass over his face. If his hands hadn't convinced her that everything was fine, he'd try it that way.

They seemed to scare the shit out of themselves with words. Nonverbals seemed like the better way to go. And that meant his hands didn't stop moving, fingers didn't stop brushing up and down and around her skin.

He hadn't been something to anyone in a really long time. Maybe he didn't really know what to say or how to react so not talking for the moment, just seemed better.

Not talking? That was something Effy could get behind, and he could have a twitch of her lips into a smile in return.

At least it was a comfortable quiet, not one of those where she just felt like she was waiting for something to drop. Anything they did say would be likely to bring them directly back to that 'what now?' dilemma she'd avoided before. Far too complicated for her to want to broach that again.

Alex leaned forward a bit, tracing that smile with the edge of his thumb, lingering for a bit. He followed with a brief, light kiss before he got close enough to whisper something in her ear.

"I only wrote it before," he started, "so I thought you might want to hear it. You're something to me too. You are."

He'd gotten to hear her admit that out loud and while his little note seemed to go over, he did want her to hear it.

"Good to know," she breathed, feeling that tightness in her chest loosening up a little just for that. Written proof was one thing, hearing it, somehow, was another.

"Seemed like something you might want to hear," he said, dipping his head down to kiss one of her shoulders before sliding back to look at her. "I wrote it but you said it first. You did the hard part."

Effy lifted that shoulder in what could probably pass as a shrug. "You wanted honesty." That was what he'd got. A rare sort of show from her.

Alex kept watching her for a few more moments before he shook his head and looked down.

"I never said I wanted anything from you, Effy," he pointed out, pulling one of his hands back to rub his eyes. "If you didn't want to say that, you shouldn't have."

"What makes you think I say anything I don't want to say?" It wasn't like he forced her into it. Effy was stubborn enough not to just do things because she thought someone else might want it.

"I don't think that," he said, not able to go as far as apologizing out loud but hesitantly dropping his cheek back against her shoulder.

"I don't, Effy," he said again, shaking his head against her shoulder. "One of those things that I've had happen in the past. Shouldn't have assumed."

"It was one reason," she allowed, slipping her hand around his neck. Couldn't deny that. If she thought he didn't want that honesty, she wouldn't have shared. "Not the only reason."

"What were the other reasons?" he asked because the question was right there and he couldn't resist.

If she answered, well, he'd get his answer but if she didn't, he really didn't mind.

"Wanted to?" Effy suggested. Difficult as it might've been, it did take out a little of that uncertain pressure. She shrugged idly again, looking down at the top of his head. "You deserved to hear it."

"Changes things?" he asked after a moment, keeping his head where it was and not making it a statement even if he was pretty sure it did.

Somehow. Of course, asking her that question would probably be just as helpful as if she'd asked him. Neither of them seemed to know what was going on.

"Some things." Well, it wasn't something she could (or would, for that matter) take back. So yeah, it made a difference.

"That good or not?" At this point, yeah, she still wasn't sure on any of that.

"I think this is...unfamiliar," he said carefully, shrugging a shoulder. Of course, he was still trying to figure out what all had changed. He had a few ideas but yeah, not sure.

"Depends on what's changed, I think," he added, glad for his position because this was one of those conversations. "Good or bad? What do you think?"

Edited 2009-12-13 03:08 (UTC)

Effy was hardly any more an expert on these things than Alex. Usually, she wasn't the one that got attached.

"Not seeing the bad yet." He hadn't decided any takebacks were in order, and neither of them seemed to be taking it badly, just uncertainly.

Room 323 [Thursday, Early Evening]

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