Room 323 [Saturday, Afternoon]

[comeoutwrong]

Sleep, still not the easiest thing to come by, and when it finally did, the timing was all off, leaving Effy crawling her way to consciousness in the early afternoon. Not that it mattered, really, since it was a weekend anyway.

There was the surfacing of the realisation she should probably get up, get dressed, go out, do something... But not really the inclination. Too many other things spinning around in her head. A brief investigation down the side of her bed revealed the bottle she kept there was empty. Well. There went that solution. Shit.

Eventually, she made the effort to slip out of bed and turn up her music loud enough to almost drown out most of the snippets of conversation in the back of her head making her twitchy, and slid down to sit on the floor, back against her bed and head dropped back against the mattress. Picking up bad, floor-sitting habits. Wonder whose fault that was.

[[Door is closed, post can be open with the warning the girl is extra messy and broken. ETA: aaand I should probably tack on an extra WARNING for delicate subject matters ahead: discussion of alcohol abuse, mental health issues, etc.]]

Comments

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"I can't keep it all down, all the time." She'd tried. "It's listen to them, or.. seeing dead fucking skinless things in my head," she said anger nipping in her tone as she tapped her forehead, "Things that don't stop, and don't die. Some kid setting herself on fire." Amongst a number of other lovely memories.

Felt like the time to check back at him. "What'd you choose?" Better the nasties she knew, in her opinion.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"What good is me answering that question gonna do?" Alex asked her, shaking his head quickly. "I'm not you, I'm not dealing with this. And I'm not asking you to choose either, fucking hell, Effy. I know you can't cure it but you're acting like you're alone and you're not."

The things she'd mentioned though, they made his skin crawl uncomfortably. "Like you can care about me and get upset when I'm hurt but fuck me, if I try to do that with you."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Not trying to do that, to make it like that." It was just... so automatic at this point, relying on herself. Never tried to drag anyone else into her problems.

"I'm used to dealing with it alone. It's what I do. Can't change, just like that." Not that simple. It took a little time.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"You're not trying to make it like that but that's what it's like," he retorted, shaking his head. "You couldn't handle watching me when I was jerking around my shoulder. You think I really wanna watch you when you don't know where you are or I don't see you in days because you're making this room a prison?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Was in class," she pointed out. Full on hermit-ing was still a way off. "Haven't walled myself in here. Not purposely trying to make myself worse." Which was what he'd gone and done just now when he was manipulating her into an emotional response.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Are you really going to argue with me about my feelings here?" Alex asked darkly. "Do you just want me not to give a damn? Would that make you feel better?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"No!" Of course it wouldn't. Even she wasn't so messed up as to not want anyone to care. "What is it you want me to do? I'm trying." Just apparently in the wrong way for him.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"I want you to remember that you're not fucking alone," Alex snapped quickly. "I want you to not shut yourself off so thoroughly that I wonder if you've disappeared again. I want you to realize that I fucking care about you."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

It... was difficult to argue back against something like that. She could only go conspicuously quiet for a few moments, lips half forming some reply. Words, still not her strong point.

"I know," she said eventually, voice low. Maybe simple was best. "I'm sorry." Seemed to be saying that a lot lately. Fucking things up a lot lately.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Don't apologize," he said, rubbing his brow and shaking his head. "I know it's hard, Effy. I know. You don't have to tell me. You don't. You should know that. So you should know I'll be able to deal with it."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"You shouldn't have to." Her issues fucking with everyone else, didn't really seem fair to anyone. Like he didn't have his own problems. Another great reason to hermit.

After a breath, "But. Nice that you will."

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Fuck have to, Effy," he very nearly yelled. "I want to, okay? Stop acting like I'm doing this out of some sort of deluded obligation."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"No one wants that!" she argued. "You do it because you care, but you don't want to have to." If there was nothing wrong, wouldn't it be a shitload better? Yes. Which was exactly why she was trying to desperately to sort herself out.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I don't want to have to because that'd mean you weren't suffering like you are," Alex said, snatching his sling off her floor and standing up. "But you are so I'm here."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Effy nodded silently. Yes he was. Angry, but here and giving a shit. Managed to pick that much up from this conversation.

She watched him for a moment, then stepped in to try and help him put the thing back on. Given his mood right now, she could only see him messing himself up more trying to do it on his own.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Alex didn't try to stop her. Instead, he let her deal with the actual sling and held his arm still so it could be slipped on. He was a little too tired to fight her on this.

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Surprisingly passive for him. But this at least, was something she could do, strapping it carefully back around his shoulder.

"Don't go hurting yourself for me," she told him quietly, as she finished that off. There had to be other ways to do it, and like she really needed that extra guilt.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"I needed to do something," Alex said, shaking his head. "If that's what I had to do, I'd do it. I'll heal."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Can heal wrong," she pointed out, brushing his jaw with her fingers now she didn't need them to fasten his sling. Better if it didn't let that happen. "Be careful."

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"My father's done worse than this to me," he said, keeping his voice quiet and his eyes on her. "I'm half healed wrong all over, Effy."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

The disgust at what his father had done over the years was betrayed in a twitch of her lips, and Effy shook her head. "Still no need to add to it," she said, her hand moving up around his neck to idly stroke along his muscles.

Possibly checking just how tense this whole thing had made him.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

He was tense enough and he stretched his neck underneath her hand. "I'll be fine. You're hurting too."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"I'm used to it too, remember." This wasn't a first for her, just like his injuries weren't a first for him. "It'll work itself out." She didn't necessarily sound as confident as usual, but she was concentrating on putting a little pressure on his neck. "We'll be fine."

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." He just sounded tired. "You need anything?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Effy shook her head once. Wasn't really much could be done about any of this. "You?" Maybe concentrating on him would actually help.